Fireplace for the home

I thought this was a joke at first. It's listed under the holiday favorites movies. It's legitimately an hour recording of a fireplace, crackling and all. Oh and there's two episodes so there are TWO fireplaces for you to enjoy.
Not gonna lie it's actually ridiculously relaxing and created a lovely ambiance on my desk at work.
Three stars for us people who don't have fireplaces. 1/2 a star if you have an actual fireplace and are too lazy to light it.

Wet Hot American Summer

This movie was so disappointing! It stars Paul Rudd, Elizabeth Banks, Christopher Meloni, Molly Shannon and a ton of other REALLY funny people! I understand that this movie is a spoof of teen movies, but it's really just not funny. Usually when I watch a comedy and don't think it's funny a few scenes stick out in my mind and the more I think about them the funnier they become. This movie has no scenes like that. It's just so... Boring! It's rated R for language and I give it 1 star.
Chris Meloni earns that star by humping the fridge.

Mirror Mirror

The first time I saw this in the movie theater, I don't know what it was but I was ready for it to be over. It seemed mediocre and boring. Once this hit Netflix, my daughter turned it back on and I was kind of groaning inside but sat down to watch it with her. All of a sudden I was engrossed in Julia Roberts performance. She makes a wonderful evil queen and her costumes were fantastic. In fact everyone's costumes were astounding. 
It is a good film to sit down and watch with the family. 


I still feel critical about the dwarfs performances. They annoyed me a lot during the film. They were off and very cheesy. 

*Kind of a Spoiler* 
There's a music video at the end that left me thinking what the fuh Just happened?

It had the potential to be better than it was. Costumes aside it still deserves a 2.5 Rating.

Werewolf The Beast Among Us

When I see those two star movies I get the feeling like maybe there's a chance it might not be that bad. I've learned my lesson with the 1 star ratings.
The special affects were well done. Depending if you're a werewolf fan you might actually rate it higher. Werewolves. Freaking awesome right?
There's no major actors in it, but they weren't all terrible.There was a person on there who I thought looked like Robert Downy Jr. the most beautiful man in the world. However the actor lost me with his egotistical attitude and his accent was all over the place. I pushed Robert back into his rightful place in my heart, because I couldn't compare him to such a douche bag.
 The werewolf is pretty cool looking. It's terrorizing the village and murdering people like no body's business. The village pulls together hunters to try and stop the beast from annihilating the whole town.The blood and guts were a little over the top. It's like they had to glorify everyone's death with gallons of fake blood.
Interesting twist, not too predictable. I kinda fell asleep towards the end but it was mostly because I was just sleepy lol. I stuck it out though and decided this 2 star could actually be a 3. 
Congratulations Werewolf. You're my first 3 star rating. 

Rated R

Golden Winter

Disclaimer: This was a Redbox Rental, not Netflix.

Why do they keep making these awful movies about puppies? I can't take it anymore. I know why... Because every time my kids see it at the Redbox, it has cute puppies on it and they just have to have it. Of course they want Mommy to sit through it. So while they would rate it a million stars I'd rather stab myself in the neck with the nearest sharp object. 

I have to admit this was not quite as horrible as the Disney Buddies Movies. If I ever see that director I'm going to walk up to him and punch him right in the nose. I wouldn't even feel bad because he deserves it for  the hours of hell he's put me through.

Alright back to "Golden Winter". It's about punk teenagers who play video games and eat lots of candy. The punk teenagers squat in a vacant home where some asshole left 6 beautiful dogs behind because they couldn't pay rent.

Here's an idea... instead of abandoning the dogs with zero food to eat, sell the pedigree puppies for 500 or 600 bucks each and pay your rent. Then nobody has to watch this movie.
Moving on...
There's one teenager who's not quite like the others and wants to help the puppies instead allowing his idiot friends to profit off of them. See even a teenager figured out the dogs were valuable. The puppies of course understand English completely, and have no problems communicating with the boy Oliver. They also can open doors with mops (oh wait a shitty stuffed animal can)
I wont spoil it too much more because I know there are some children out there who would stare unblinkingly at the TV when it's on. I at least have to show some appreciation for the quiet I got out of this movie. 1 Star? Kids Millions.

After the Wizard

Disclaimer: This was a Redbox rental. NOT Netflix.

Please do not waste $1.20 on this movie. DO NOT USE A FREE PROMO CODE ON IT EITHER. 
There should be negative stars for movies like this.
Do not be fooled by the cover. The girl who plays "Dorothy/Elizabeth is not that cute in the film. It was really confusing. Dorothy hadn't aged and yet her Aunt and Uncle died years ago. She was totally wacky.  I didn't understand the "My names not Elizabeth, I'm Dorothy." Dorothy lived in a series of foster homes until she was placed in an orphanage and she freaking sucks at acting!!! 

YOU SUCK!

The costumes were terrible, and even more disappointing was the lion was in the movie for about 5 seconds. He was the most interesting character they had. 
You had to watch the Tin Woodsman and The Scare Crow the whole movie and they were only a little bit better at acting then Dorothy.
 I found myself staring at the Tin Woodsman's crows feet which were accentuated by his thick silver make-up. Come on? Couldn't they afford a better hat for him? He wore a beanie.

How dare they defile the Wizard of Oz to promote this garbage. ROAR!

Pretty Ugly People

I put this movie in my queue because it stars Melissa McCarthy. I love her. If you haven't seen her in Mike and Molly or Bridesmaids you are SERIOUSLY missing out.
The movie is the story of a group of college kids, one of whom was the fat friend. She calls all of her group together and surprises them with her weight loss and tells them they are going on a four day hike, at the end she will be at her goal weight and she wants them all there for that. Naturally her friends are not thrilled with this plan but go along with it anyway. All of their secrets come tumbling out along the way. Affairs, small penises, pretty much every stereotypical secret. The end of the movie showcases a dramatic accident in which they all let go of their fears and live happily every after.
I thought this movie had a lot of potential but never quite got there for me. It's rated r for language and partial nudity.
I give it 2.5 stars.

Vampires Suck

There's a lot of hype around Twilight right now of course with the new release of Breaking Dawn. So I sat down and relived my love of Edward and watched the first Twilight, followed by Vampires Suck. I realized how easy Twilight  made it for them to make fun of it. There was so much cheese and slap stick (of course that was the idea) but I felt like a dork for being a Twilight fan. LOL!
I admit I wasn't all that impressed by Kristen Stewarts performance in the original movie, and the actress in Vampires Suck was spot on playing her charactar.
They did a great job of remaking scenes and the wardrobe of the charactars was pretty much perfect.

If you're going to watch this you have to remember it's the people who produce "Scary Movie" so that's basically what you need to expect.



Diedrich Bader, I love you no matter what you do. And yes I would love to rip off your mustache.

2.5 Stars

Pinnochio's Revenge

I know that Kellee's experience with the Gay Bed and Breakfast was pretty bad, but this might be the second biggest piece of crap to grace Betchflix. Lucky for me, I could at least do 20 minute increments, but it still took three days to finish. Pinnochio doesn't do a damn thing for like the first hour of the movie besides sit there and look like a big piece of #%$. I was bored out of my skull. I would dare to say if there are good reviews for it, it's because of the shower scene with  full on female nudity. PORN! 

I guess if you're going to make a really crappy movie you have to throw in some boobies and carpets to make people watch.

Pinnochio only communicates with the little girl in the movie the whole time, and what a surprise, she gets blamed for the messed up stuff he does. She's being raised by a single mother who is an attorney, and goes to her therapist a lot.

Will Pinnochio ever become a good real boy? Find out for yourself if you want to sit through an hour and a half of this awful movie. 1 star.

The Innkeepers

I watched this movie by myself, normally I really don't like to do scary alone. (I'm a chick, when things get scary I need to hide in my mans chest muff to feel better.) However I kept hoping and hoping that the movie would GET SCARY!! The plot was good, they had a great setting, but there were more funny moments than "chilling".

Basically the Peddlers Inn is closing down for good and the two employees are finishing out their shift with some "haunted guests". ooOOOOooooo Ghost stories are the best!!!

I found my mind wandering off during the movie thinking, you know... this chick would be super hot if she would stop sucking on that asthma inhaler all the time and had longer hair.

This one was a little tougher for me. I really want to give it three stars because I thought the cast had good chemistry, but as far execution on being a scary movie, I'm going to have to go 2.5 stars and leave it at that.

The gay bed and breakfast of terror

Yes sadly this is an actual movie. Please, please believe me when I say it's the worst movie ever made (that I've watched so far) I literally had to watch it in 5 minute increments because I couldn't sit through more than that at a time. I can't believe that this movie had a budget and paid people to be in it. Even if they volunteered to be in it... It's awful. Please spare yourselves and never watch this movie. If you're still reading and interested in this movie, it's about a bed and breakfast in the desert that caters to gay people. Unfortunately for those gay people, the b&b owner thinks being gay is a sin and is just trying to find a poor gay boy she can convert and marry to her lesbian daughter. Everyone else dies in some retarded fashion from the owner or Manfred, who is supposed to be locked up but escapes and likes to bite people.
The gay bed and breakfast of terror is rated r for nudity, language and really bad fake gay sex.
My rating? 0 stars. It's really that bad.

Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil

I stumbled across this movie a while ago and just had to watch it (Mostly because Alan Tudyk is HILARIOUS)

Tucker and Dale are the two main characters. Tucker buys a broken down cabin in the woods and they are going to fix it up and make it a dream cabin. They are good old redneck boys. Unfortunately for them some spoiled college kids go camping for the weekend, tell some ghost stories, get all freaked out and then decide to go swimming in the dark. Brilliant college kids folks. Brilliant. Naturally there is a really hot one, played by the ridiculously beautiful Katrina Bowden. Dale falls madly in love with her, and saves her from drowning when she falls off a rock and hits her head. They take her back to the cabin so she can recover and the college kids decide that Tucker and Dale are serial killers and they have to rescue their friend. Hijinx and accidental deaths ensue.

Honestly I started watching this movie with the expectation of it being incredibly stupid but found myself actually liking the ridiculousness of it. Sometimes a B movie can be a B movie and it's ok!
Tucker and Dale vs. Evil is rated R for language and some gore. I dont remember any nudity so if it was there it wasn't very good.

My rating: 3 stars for sheer campiness of it.

Gingerdead Man 3 Saturday Night Cleaver

There were so many terrible movies to choose from on Netflix to start this blog. However when I saw Gingerdead Man 3 pop up I thought this is the one! You already know what you're getting yourself into when you turn this movie on.
It's like watching a really bizarre version of Sesame Street charactars and spoofs of famous old movies. Besides having a Gingerbread man that kills people in really disturbing ways, the rest of the plot was unoriginal. About 45 minutes or so is just people pretending they're in a 70's skating rink. Every once in a while the ugly gingerbread man would run around and do something messed up.

Sorry to spoil this part but the Gingerdead Man is a horny little bastard, and I almost fell off the couch when he stuck his "cookie" through a glory hole. WTF? Who baked a penis on the gingerdead man?


All in all the movie was awful, but it did make me laugh so therefore I give you 1 and a half stars Gingerdead Man 3.